Tuesday, January 27, 2009

The most horrible thing....

Dear fellow bloggers...my heart is in a million different pieces right now. Some of you have seen on facebook that I am now single....to save myself from telling the story over and over again let me get it out in the open to clear any confusion. I debated about blogging about this tradedy as it is very personal and so devastating, but I hope somewhere and somehow it will help SOMEONE out there. I don't know where to begin....on Saturday Sini told me he was thinking of breaking up, on Sunday he officially called off the wedding....I won't go into details b/c it's too much to bear. I love Sini with all of my heart, and the thought of us not being together forever sends me into the depths of despair (that's the only way I know how to describe it). This is by far the hardest thing I've ever had to endure in my whole entire life. I would never wish this feeling upon my worst enemy. I feel like this is worth than LOSING a loved one...being embarassed, getting a flat tire, being ugly, going to yoga...etc..etc. It came from nowhere I am completely blindsided. I have to say (this may be really cheesey to some people).....I could have gone one of two ways...I could have rejected this whole ordeal and fallen to the ways of the world, however I am trying VERY VERY VERY hard to stay as close to the Lord as I possibly can. The feelings and emotions that one bears through trials like these can't be lifted by anyone, but I believe that the Lord has the power to comfort me and guide me (or at least I hope that is the case). I honestly don't know what to do and will take any suggestions offered. Seeing as Sini and I are not together anymore my blog "sinilyn.blogspot.com" will have to change....please make sure we keep in touch if along the process of changing my blog I lose some of you. I really appreciate every single one of you in my life....

Friday, January 23, 2009

Put a ring on it!

*starts singing* all the single ladies...all the single ladies...all the single ladies...all the single ladies...now put yo' hands up! Sorry girls I just can't get that (Beyonce) song outta my head! And the video....UGH! I wanna be Beyonce Knowles! Not really but it sounds cool. Ok *deep breath* well....we can all rest assure...LOST has started. I have no problem admitting I am a LOST junkie, however this is NOT what my post is about...I just wanted to throw that out there for all the LOST fans...and any potential LOST buddies.
So.....I have been debating on whether or not to write about what is up with life or if I should just write random posts...I've been on the fence about it but today I received a wonderful little "reminder" that I needed to post about what is going on in my life (not that's it is exciting or even fun)...and I have Jen Newman to thank for that...who by the way is probably the most amazing and crafty girl I know. With that said let's begin. Yesterday was rather a sullen day...more depressing than anything *eyes rolling* I have been studying very very very....very hard for a test that I did not pass...now I'm not writing this so that you can feel bad for me...wait for the rest of the story. I worked really hard ( I probably could've worked harder) but I am NOT a good test taker...never have been...well it didn't work out. I thought that if I didn't pass this test that my world would crumble and I would be considered a pathetic loser....after my test I made my way over to my fiance's house....I NEVER knew what a great "comforter" he was. That is when I took a step back and re-evaluated the situation...instead of focusing on how pitiful I was I took a look around and realized I was so so so blessed (an outlook I've always wanted to have but just never did). I have a wonderful WONDERFUL family....FABULOUS friends...a home (not just a house)....a car that runs great...and an INCREDIBLE fiance (c'mon guys just allow me a little gushy-ness). I got home from a somewhat terrible day yesterday & walked in to a warm home and my sister waiting to greet me...she introduced me to the new "cure-all"....drum roll please...."Nothing bundt cakes" omg you guys....fantastic! As we sat and ate our little cakes (or as we like to call it...eat our feelings) I couldn't help but be happy and cheerful inside........until...............THIS MORNING....bright and early my sister woke me up with a telephone call (she was upstairs I was downstairs)..."wanna go to the gym" she says..."uh...i don't feel good" I replied...but she talked me into it anyway....now girls...my wedding is April 11th...and I have a wedding dress to fit into...I'm not gonna lie...I've gained weight..I'm human who cares? Sini and I usually go to the gym together at night but I decided to go with my sister instead. Well. Got some good cardio in, then JAMIE decides she wants to go to Yoga...no problem for me..I've been wanting to try it forever! So we're sitting there with the soothing music and dimmed lights...we begin....breathe in breathe out you know the usual....very relaxing...then we got into the hard stuff...twist here bend here balance on one foot....i got into positions I didn't know existed.....I'm not a skinny girl either....yoga might not be the best thing for chubby girls. Everyone had on their cute little yoga outfits and I'm in my BYU sweats.....sweatin it out in the yoga room....60min of awkward relaxation...I made it though. Now as I'm sitting at home blogging...I feel like my arms are gonna fall off. I'll be ok...right? *confused look & shoulder shrug*
But for real you guys...I feel good...it was a good experience and I'm glad I did it. Who wants to be my yoga buddy? It will be fun. Mind you....the whole time we were doing stretches and poses that Jamie and I couldn't do we were laughing hysterically...I didn't feel bad that we were causing commotion, it was funny! I think some of the people around us might have been irritated but......I didn't care...oops! Does that make me a bad person?
HEY before I forget...RUGBY season started!!! That's right folks....get ready to ruck (a rugby term) and roll! Team Su'a-cide is out on the prowl! For those of you who don't know...my brothers (Manti & Mikey) play Rugby for BYU....so excited! The games are seriously INTENSE...it's all I can go NOT to run out on the field and double kamazee some player in the face....whoa....take it easy. hahahhaha! If any of you are interested in attending a game you can check out the schedule www.byurugby.com you will not be let down!

Thursday, January 8, 2009

Bright-eyed & Bushy-tailed

How many of us look forward to the sound of our alarm clock going off in the wee small hours of the morning? While I realize there are a select few of us who enjoy the "light" sound of a foghorn jumpstarting the heart out of a deep R.E.M cycle, I cannot count myself as one of them. I love the feeling of a hard days work , body aching from producitivity, & a mind satisfied with a "job well done," but nothing pleases me more than to lay my weary head on a rather comfortable pillow at night.
My bed & I have a wonderful relationship. My bed has ALWAYS been there for me no matter the time of day..in sickness & in health...regardless of my financial standing..regardless of my appearance, & regardless of ANY of the circumstances in my life...my bed has been there to provide comfort no questions asked no negotiations required...who could ask for a better relationship (well...there might be a few more things I'd like in a relationship...but that's another blog). Because of the security my bed has offered (and always will) I find if difficult...nay...VERY difficult to get out of bed in the morning & being HAPPY about it. WTH? I have never grasped the concept of being "Bright-eyed & Bushy-tailed" a term often used to describe "a morning person." For those of us who are NOT "morning people" (in my case...far from it) how do we BECOME "morning people?" How do we reach that point to where we look forward & almost anticipate our alarm clock? I have often envied the "energizer bunny" types who are up at the crack of dawn ready for the day at hand....however, I can't help but snicker at the fact that while they are wondering what type of fiber would better suit their morning meal...I am comfy, cushy, cozy in a state of snugglization warm in my bedstead. Honestly guys...who is the one suffering here? Every morning when my alarm goes off I seriously sit there and think of excuses to prolong my slumber (I'm totally not joking). My thoughts are diligent in finding some alibi, cover-up, cop-out, or defense just so I can aviod waking up & facing another day of studying, work, or drama. Granted, there are days that I look for to those things. I'm like a monster when I wake up...sad huh? Not only in my appearance but don't even try to start a "meaningful" convo with me. When I was on my mission I did....ok....there were days where I felt bad for my comps..just b/c "companionship study" was sometimes non-existant due to my "lack of personality." Well....enough is enough....I want to be BETTER! It is time to put away my slumbersome desires! I have made it a goal to BECOME a "bright-eyed & bushy-tailed" kind-of-a-girl...that's a good goal/resolution right guys? I think my family will benefit from it as well as my soon-to-be-husband. However, if ANY of you have tips...pointers....advice...or guidelines you GOTTA let me know....I'm a little bit desperado here!

Wednesday, January 7, 2009

Guilty Pleasures

Ok so today I spent the day at the Library (well...part of the day) studying but then I heard a noise coming from my tummy saying "feed me" so I thought to myself.."what sounds good?" I wanted to "eat healthy" so I chose Subway..the lesser of all the evils out there....can anyone relate to the fact that regardless of how long you are in Subway you always come out smelling like it...it stinks literally..it doesn't matter if you're in there for 5 minutes or 45 minutes, you always come out smelling rancid....I thought it was only at the Subway in Laie but I have experienced smelling like subway at every Subway I've been to...ok then...moving on...I have MANY guilty pleasures, it's sad, but I make no apologies. One of my guilty pleasures is going to get food (or ordering it) & watching reality t.v. It really doesn't matter what the show is or what it's about, I often find myself memorized by human behavior. Why is this? What is SO interesting that I can't seem to DRAG myself away from the television set? Why would I be willing give up a free afternoon to watch people, with whom I am not acquainted, go about their random lives? The answer to all of these questions is unknown...I have hit a wall...it is all a mystery to me, & it will most likely stay a mystery unless I have some sort of an epiphany, or unless a lightbulb goes off in my mind...and so it goes I guess.
Guilty pleasure numero dos (translation: 2 for those of you who don't habla espanol...el nino is spanish for...the nino)...Diet Coke...you guys seriously....what the heck? In 2005 I made a pledge not to drink soda (I was an avid diet PEPSI drinker at the time) & up until 2008 I kept that pledge...2008 on a particularly hard day I walked past the soda aisle at the grocery store & couldn't help but give into the temptation of drinking an A&W cream soda..and that was it..that was all it took to break my pledge *snap of the fingers* just like that my pact (to myself) went up in smoke....since that day I've been addicted to soda...I admit it. This year I made a goal to give it up (again).....it's been 6 days...or 7....I caved....what the???!!! I am stronger than this right? Sini is still goin strong he's really good at keeping his goals, I on the other hand am headed for despair...well...maybe not b/c (secretly) I love diet coke....should I quit? I know it's not good for me but neither is running til I pass-out or throw up whichever comes first (which I would gladly do if it was something that I enjoyed). Is it hurting my loved ones? I mean...it's not like I'm on drugs or an alcoholic. IDK...as long as I'm happy it's ok right?
Guilty pleasure number three (I don't know if this can be considered a guilty pleasure but it poses a good thought provoking question)...I am a HUGE giver-in-to (i give in so easily)the power of suggestion...i.e "Ooh a cookie sounds good" ME: It sure does...I think I'll have one. "I think those shoes are so cute" ME: Yes they are...yes I'll take a pair! "Hey that purse is to die for...but it's like so expensive" ME: Oh well...I deserve a treat right?....It's so sad...my sister will suggest something without even thinking and I'll have to get it..eat it...or watch it. Seriously what's going on? I think I can justify my way out of anything! I think I just found some more resolutions/goals for this year....right?

Seriously? It's 2009?.......wait..seriously?

Ok wait a sec...where did the time go? I remember when I was a little girl thinking to myself "I can't wait til I'm 8 b/c then I'll be baptized" then further down the road "I can't wait til I'm 12 b/c then I'll be in Young Womens & get to go to all the activitites...I can't wait til i'm 16 b/c then I can drive..and date....I can't wait til I'm done with high school b/c then I get to go to college!" Uh...wtf? I can't believe it's 2009....I think I was supposed to be a dr. or a lawyer or a model or something by now...so where did the time go? *Confused look on my face*
Although this year has gone by so quickly I still remember a few things about it...& although I KNOW there were some hard times thrown in there....I (honestly) cannot remember most of them....
I rang in the New Year in NEW ZEALAND! If anyone is looking for a place to ring in the New Year I would def suggest NZ! I came home and bummed around for a couple of months not doing anything really great but I sure had fun while doing it. In May I turned 27 (I can't believe I just admitted that without being interrogated) & things started to get a little more serious in my mind...Sini would be coming home soon (from his mission)...we wrote the whole two years but I honestly did not know what would happen when he came home...our emails started getting a little more serious & I actually contemplated dating him seriously (this was in May)....I started working for Fidelity Investments in July (what the...who lied and said it would be easy?)..I totally grew out of my "Myspace" phase uh...gay! It's all about facebook now..and blogging....On August 13th Sini & were reunited and have been together ever since (well that was a no-brainer). We were "officially" engaged (meaning I got a ring) in October. Now we're here in January (a month I never thought would come) & I don't know what to do with myself. hmph....well...I guess I need to make some goals/resolutions....throw 'em out into the universe & make all my dreams come true right? Well this year holds endless possibilties...on April 11th Sini & I will be sealed in the Salt Lake Temple...honestly...that's where my focus is right now...I need to start getting things in order...I need a florist...a decorator...& many other things...any suggestions folks? Overall regardless of what I say I AM looking forward to this year & and all its.....diversions! I know all of you will have a good year and I will look forward to reading about all of them! BLOG ON!