What does it take to make an ordinary individual reach extra-ordinary heights of fame and "fortune?" I think I have it all figured out. No really you guys....I think I'm a genius (figuratively speaking). I saw the Michael Jackson movie the other day....don't worry I'm right up there with the next person- sick to death of hearing the whole "Michael Jackson is dead" drama. When the movie came out I have to admit I had little to no interest in seeing the movie. How I ended up in the theater I know not....peer pressure most likely, much to my surprise I was instantly drawn into this movie (what.the.heck?). While I was watching the movie it took every ounce of strength I had to stay seated in my chair....all I wanted to do was get up and DANCE...sooooo many thoughts were running through my mind....*wow, he's really dead...*why didn't I ever go to one of his concerts? *why didn't I appreciate his brilliance when he was alive? *the past/present FIVE genereations of my family (great grand-parents all the way up to my new nephew who was introduced to the lyrical stylings of MJ by none other than his most musically righteous Aunty Jenilyn) know Michael Jackson is, in one way or another, what other celebrity can claim that? *he's weird *he's freaking amazing *how is he so amazing? You guys....how is it that Michael is SO amazing? I mean...the musical abilities...the dancing capabilities blah blah blah.....but think about it....there are about a million and five people who are just as good musically and just as good physically (I mean they can dance just as good as he can)....BUT...what is it about him that is so..........enthralling....so mind boggling that once you set eyes/ears on a performance you are completely mezmorized by it? I have a few theories...well...maybe just one but a "few" sounds better...lyrically.
Let me break it down....who are like the biggest celebs right now? Britney, Angelina, Madonna....I could go on but these girls will help me prove my point. Take these girls for instance.....what's one of the first words that comes to your mind? For me it's plain and simple....WEIRD. I mean Britney is seriously off her rocker...Angelina used to wear blood around her neck and kiss her brother...and Madonna has that weird Trans-Atlantic accent from like the 30's or 40's (whenever they used it).....did you notice that I didn't need to include any of their last names? You totally knew who I was talking about right? How sweet would that be to have millions of people know you by your first name only? To be able to stand out THAT much that no last name is needed....whoa. So, am I saying that you have to be totally weird in order to be super-famouso? Technically, yes. Realistically, no. What I'm trying to say is that, in "This is it" there were 2 parts where I thought to myself..."Ok, who would think to put this in a concert...this is seriously odd." BUT if anyone can do it....it would be Michael Jackson...he is the exact right amount of weird that it works....which makes him completely untouchable in his fame status. Who wakes up in the morning and thinks to himself...."I'm only gonna wear ONE bedazzled baseball batting glove today not two.....Oooh you know what would be really awesome? If, mid-dance, I kicked one leg up and did a little scream then grab my pelvis...that'll catch on and it will be ONE of my signature dance moves that everyone will end up imitating in years and generations to come. Hmmmm....I need to get married....hmmm....what great musical Legends have daughters? Chyna Phillips is taken....McKenzie Phillips won't return my calls.....Rod Stewart has that blond daughter but she's not cute....Brooke Hogan is too young *mental note: remember to call her in 10 yrs*....what about Lisa-Marie Presley?!" Guys, you have to admit...he's made some really outlandish, & unconventional decisions...but they've totally worked. Who is more famous than Michael? Even now that he's dead...who can top him? I can't think of one person...if you can PLEASE enlighten me. So...here's my recipe for instant, interminal fame:
1 normal semi-good looking person
At least 1 (2 or 3 to guarantee a solid career) good songs
1 outrageous music video
2 or 3 scandals (add to taste)
Endless acts of sparatic absurdity
Occasional idiosyncratic decisions made while in the spotlight of the media *note: bizarre and erractic behavior must ALWAYS be caught on film (digital or motion)
Let simmer for several years.
Leave the public eye for a while (determine based on how hot it gets)
Do a "comeback" tour
Make an appearance on Oprah to tell "your side" of the story (Diane Sawyer works too)
Write a tell-all book....embelish!
Lather, Rinse, Repeat...as desired.
A little badda....a little bing....you're a star.....a SUPER-STAR!
Not hard to do folks.....so there it is....on a silver platter for all you aspiring "Super-stars."